How I got high off of disinfectant wipes

Most of you saw that picture, right?
The one where Fey had a huge blow out up her back and all over her clothes....
Oh ya, and if you looked really closely, you saw the smeared poop all over my face. Ya, that was a great day. Not.

Anyways, I don't know how many of you know about the BUMBO seats for babies. They are pretty awesome, BUT they are poop encouragers.

I know that seems ridiculous, but if you think about it.....
We sit down to go to the bathroom....I mean, I can't even imagine trying to number two laying down....it just feels wrong to even think about.

Well, babies do it all day long, so imagine how excited they are to get to doodoo in the most natural and comfortable shittin' position, which just happens to be in the BUMBO.

Not only does the BUMBO encourage poop, but it's also acts as a catalyst for the poop geyser. Yes, you know, Old Faithful up there in Yellowstone? Ya, well, any home that has a child and a BUMBO....well, we have our own sort of geyser.

Well, having twins is rewarding, but a lot of times it is a little tricky. This particular day was no exception.

It was about 3:30PM and the babies were both sitting in their BUMBOS playing with their toys. They both started getting fussy, and I knew that I had smelt a stinky diaper, so I assume that it's Fitz (sorry bud). I leave my current Netflix marathon session and take him into their room to change him as fast as I can to not miss a moment of my show. Soon, I realize that the stink wasn't from a dirty diaper, so rather than thinking that it must be Fey, I pass the stinky smell off as gas....

I go back into the living room, where Fey is screaming her head off. I am, however, in slow motion because I'm trying to watch my show. (Bad mom moment, I know.)  I pick her up out of the BUMBO, half paying attention because I'm enthralled in my show, and eager to stop her crying. I start talking to her and I kinda do a little toss into the air once I've freed her chubby legs to stop her sadness. As she's coming down from her toss, I go to kiss her and tickle her...yup, still watching my show....

As my lips and face make contact with her back/booty, I am immediately overtaken with the rancid smell of poop. I pull her away from me as fast as I can and yup, there is poop everywhere. I can feel the mushy poop all over my lips and and chin. I wipe the poop off my lips before thinking that this will be a great scrapbook page in her memory book one day. I grab my phone and snap some selfies. I finish cleaning the poop off my face before heading in to change her diaper and clean up the mess.

I clean her off, throw everything into my soaking bucket (bucket full of water with laundry detergent and Oxiclean- as to avoid stains), and lay her down. At this point I realize that the BUMBO probably has some poop smeared on it that need my OCD's attention. I head over to take a look.....

I wish it had been just smears. It was a whole poop extravaganza going on at the bottom of my BUMBO. OK, the BUMBO is made out of this really great hard foam-like material that is really easy to wipe down.....BUT the new BUMBOS have straps that aren't removable.... and...these straps are made out of fabric. Mine are covered in what looks like chunky peanut butter. I head to the kitchen and pull out an assortment of carpet cleaners, clorox wipes, wet rags, sanitizers, and disinfectants.

I spent almost two hours trying to get the brown, rancid-smelling, peanut butter poop out of those straps. I am pretty happy with the outcome, but I still won't be letting either of my children get those straps anywhere near their mouth...

Dear BUMBO, please make removable straps that are machine washable....or just make them out of something that is wipe-up-able, considering your wonder seats are also poop geyser encouragers. Thanks.
Shontel

Officially a BABY MAMA

.....let's recap. We just got done eating MEXICAN.....what comes next.... the part where I use those fancy kegal muscles and have two babies...
so.

blurry, I know, but it's the best shot I have of my attempt to make my gown more attractive. 

We go to the hospital and check in (I've never been a patient in a hospital before so I'm kind of excited, because when I got my tour it looked really fun, you know, like a mini vacation. So I'm pretty giddy arriving at my room and finding a place for all of my belongings (which I never used, or wore). It's probably around 8 o clock on Tuesday night and I am set. I sign some paperwork, get my hospital gown on (I didn't know those were real, I always just assumed that was for movies, but ya, not so cute), get my bed all set up, get an IV in (which was horrible) and then it's time for them to start that first medication (forget what it's called) that will help with thinning (effacement) and prepare my body for induction and dilation. They get that hooked up at around 9 PM and we are off. They just came in every hour or so to check and see if your cervix has moved or thinned. Well, my mom and Ty were both in the room with me, the meds weren't hurting, and I was having so much fun. Unfortunately, they were tired and ended our sleepover earlier than I wanted (and I'm the patient-aren't people supposed to do what I want?!). They go to bed, and I basically got NO sleep whatsoever, because every time I dozed off, some lady came in to violate my sleep with her hour check-ups. Sleep was fleeting that night, but I was excited to get the show on the road. The plan originally was to administer the Pitocin at 5AM, Wednesday, as to start dilation, assuming that the night before the medication worked well enough for my cervix to thin and drop (my Dr was leaving on vacation on Thursday, so I basically needed to have the twins Wed.) Well, that night, as I said, I hardly got any sleep between the horrible pain and the check-ups, when they came to check up on me in the morning, I was still along ways off from being ready to start the next medication.
After more, no sleep, and some jello (another great option for avoiding my fear-not), I was finally ready enough to move along into the next step. Pitocin. It was 10AM when they start and basically this medication is really horrible and because it's making your body start dilation, it brings on all those mandatory contractions. IT WAS MISERABLE. I couldn't even lay still for very long and as they tell you with normal, natural contractions, they say, oh, every 5 min. then a few minutes break, and then the closer you get to birth, the longer the contractions last, and the less amount of rest time in between...well, I literally just had one huge contraction. I felt like it never went away and it just stayed there....ripping me apart from the inside. I went from 0 to 100 pretty quick, and the worst part was, the Pitocin wasn't doing anything for my body, so they had to up my dosage. Let's just restate, this was miserable.
after hours of complaining and moaning, they come in to see if I'm wanting an epidural. Well, I was sure that I wanted a natural (well, as natural as it can be, being induced) birth, so I just say no. Well my mom chimes in and reminds me that I'm only dilated to a 2 and if I'm already in that much pain, that it's just going to get A LOT worse. I tell her that I'll probably end up getting one then, but that I'm just not ready. (Another fact about me- I hate needles. I hate them. I hate shots. In a post long ago, I told the story of my first ever shot in the butt during a doctor visit...and well, let's just say I cried, and jumped, and they all laughed at me.) I made the mistake of watching a 5 minute educational video on epidurals. Basically I have no idea what I watched, I just know that the needle was massive and I was scared.
Well, after all this back and forth of nurses asking whether I want an epidural and me pretending like I was going to tough it out...my mom reasoned with me and said, if you're going to end up getting the epidural anyways, why not just get it now, so that you're not miserable...like, DUH. What's the point? Mom's are so smart. I give in and immediately start freaking out. This doctor comes in with an intern-like guy and informs me that this not-a-legitimate-doctor-yet guy will be the one to give me the shot... comforting right... well I waited for it, I held my breathe, asked a lot of stupid questions, and when I asked when they were going to do it, they said that they had already done it and I was all set to go..... ARE YOU KIDDING ME. EPIDURALS ARE THE BEST! After that, I was happy. Suddenly I was able to focus on all the good things about my fun vacation hospital stay.
Well, at this point, we are coming on to about 5:30 PM and I'm dilated to a 3. Yup, it was depressing. My doctor gets off his day job and heads over to the hospital. They decide that they are going to break my water manually-yes this is a thing. Basically it's just like a really hard to reach water balloon. Apparently this was the magic trick because my body kicked into baby-outing mode and I started to dilate pretty rapidly.
Fast forward to 9PM. I am dilated to a 9 and we are ready to start pushing. They let me know that we are going to start in the hospital room, and then when I am really close to delivering, they will move me into the operating room (normal procedure for twin births). This is fine by me... anything is fine by me. I just want my babies out, happy, and healthy.
So, I push.....
and I push.
And my head starts to feel like it's going to explode.
and I push.
Ty is holding one leg back and my mom on the other. Both of them were NOT allowed to look. I wasn't even allowed to look. They offered that mirror.....HELL NO WAS I GOING TO WATCH....especially if I was going to poop. Nope. no way Jose. No mirror for me.
well, I'm still pushing. and Ty and my mom are just looking at me awkwardly because if they even tried to move or flinch I got really mad! haha
I started getting really light-headed after about an hour and a half of pushing. It seriously hurts.
By now the nurses have got my doctor in there who is trying to feel where the babies are at.  My head is throbbing. It felt as though I was pushing so hard that my epidural was fading. I was drinking ice (I was desperate) and  covered with wet washcloths. It was definitely a shining moment.
Things were not happy, and these babies weren't coming. Towards the end of the second hour of pushing every few seconds, they informed me that we would try a few more times and if there was no progress, we would need to prepare for an emergency c-section. I was determined to push these babies out. They were both head down and Fitz was coming out first. Apparently his head was in a weird position, as if he was looking up, so that he was coming out forehead first....apparently this caused some issues, and my doctor reached up and tried to correct it, however, Fitz wasn't budging. With his head in the position it was, he wouldn't fit under my pelvic bone properly.
SO. here we are. a little over two hours of pushing and absolutely no progress had been made. They re-administer some drugs, and wheel me into the operating room.
By this time I have the shakes really bad. I remember them moving me onto the operating table and they strap your arms straight out to your side on these little planks....well, I remember thinking, I don't care how hard they strap my arms down, they are going to flap right off this skinny board. To be honest, I can't really remember if they did or not, my whole body was shaking like crazy, and I was sure that this was going to interfere with them cutting me, basically, in half. Apparently, my shakes had nothing on the epidural drug and all was well.
Considering only one person can join you in the operating room, my mom stayed in the fancy vacation room and Ty was by my side in the operating room. He said he literally saw my insides, which is pretty cool... Well, to some people, like Ty, who has to dissect sick cows in order to send their insides to a lab for testing, it's cool. Anyways, I'm sure my insides were way cuter than a cow's......and we are still married, so he must have seen something he liked.....
ha this feels wrong...
I'll stop.
Anyways, Fitz makes his way out into the world at 12:05AM central time and the first thing said by the doctors is "Welp, it's definitely Ty's baby" haha. Fitz really did look exactly like a miniature version of Ty when he was only seconds old!

Fitz Eldon: 5lbs 15oz, 20 in

I hear the first cry, and only a minute later, I hear Fey. She followed Fitz out quickly and made her way out into the world at 12:06AM.

Fey Ila: 5lbs 1oz, 19 in

I am strapped to the table and all I can hear are the most perfect little cries. They immediately bring them over to Ty and I and I try to stop my head from shaking for long enough to see them. They are perfect and healthy. To be honest, I thought it would be different. I thought I would get to hold them and be with them immediately after birth, but they only let me look at them for a second before they wheeled them off to the NICU for testing. Those next moments were so hard as I had to lay there, hoping the babies were OK and waiting to be sewn back together. I had very limited voluntary movement of the majority of my body at this point, with the numbing drugs and the shaking. They tried lots of meds to help my nervous system calm down, but nothing worked and I ended up having to just count out loud and try to force my body to hold still for one second longer than the last attempt. Ty stayed with me till I was out of surgery and returned to my room. From there, I was alone for most of the night till I fell asleep, still shaking, because my mom and Ty were watching the babies in the NICU. They came to check on me a few times, but I was miserable, in pain, and shaking.... Apparently there were some issues with Fey's breathing, but it corrected itself very quickly. I woke at around 4:45AM that morning to a nurse telling me that the babies were in great condition and would be leaving the NICU in the next hour or so to  bring them to my room. By this time, I was feeling much better, more calm, and ready to see my babies again, and hold them for the first time! 

They ended up bring them into my room about 10 minutes later.

IT was amazing. Motherhood is amazing. I feel like there are so many stigmas to birthing a child. Which way is right. Which way is wrong. What makes you a good mom or not. I think all of this is bullshit. No matter your birth experience, having a child and doing your best to bring them into the world, into a happy and healthy environment is good enough. I love my story because the ending is perfect....well it was until I tried to take a nap....then. Reality hit. and it hits hard. :)

So I have no pictures of the delivery or anything of the sort, and for that I will say you're welcome, rather than I'm sorry. :)
Thanks for reading.
With my pregnancy and birth story posted, I can now get to the everyday life stuff....like, how Fitz tried to touch his toes and found something else instead..... :)

Don't doo doo on the table

At my last appointment, I realized, I was probably going to need to be induced and all that came with that style of birth. Let me first give you all a pointer. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT A BIRTHING PLAN. It will, most likely, not work out the way you want it to. I was set on having a natural birth, no drugs, the natural way. After watching countless episodes of Sex and the City, I always knew my water would break just like Charlotte. I would be out for brunch in Manhattan wearing a fabulous, size 2, Kate Spade dress, and just as I'm walking out of the doors, I run into my best friends ex, but can't get angry because my water breaks, and this misunderstood ex calls all my family and friends, who meet me at the hospital....and you know the rest. THIS IS NOT HOW IT HAPPENS.  First off, I didn't even get to have the experience of contractions at home, the exciting, but frantic packing and race to the car to get to the hospital. I don't know why, but that always seemed so exciting and special to me. That last appointment left me with no hope. I hadn't started dilating whatsoever. I was at a whopping 0%. On top of that, I hadn't dropped or thinned. This had me thinking, well, they are definitely going to push my date back, clearly, the babes, and my body, aren't quite ready....but, NOPE. They just informed me that I would now need to go to the hospital on the 11th to start another medication that would help my cervix drop and thin, and once this happened, they would then administer the Pitocin, which would then force my body to dilate. (Now you might be thinking that I would have some sort of say in all of this, but when you're having twins, you're somewhat considered a special case, and they don't let you decide too much. Considering that they do this for the babies and your own health, I let them be the experts they are and went with the flow. Having PreE didn't help my case either.)

Well, I'm going to take a break right here and tell you one of my worst fears. And all of you who know me pretty well, know that I can't usually just think something without telling someone/everyone and asking their opinion. I'm a pretty open book.... therefore, I asked countless of people, probably at the most inappropriate times if they, for lack of better phrasing, pooped on the table. Now, to some of you, who are young, or male....you don't need to worry about this quite yet, or at all....and some of you may not even know that this is a thing, but let me tell you, THIS IS A THING. I was so frightened above all else that I was going to accidentally push a little too hard...... and you get the rest. People that I talked to about this, telling them that this was my fear, were pretty understanding and supportive of this. They told me, "don't worry about it." "You will be in so much pain and so emotional, you won't even care if it happens." Or "the nurses act so fast, you won't even know." OK.... how the hell don't you know if you just publicly sharted in front of, most likely, multiple family members, and other educated people.... That answer, I will never know.
Now, I'll give you a heads up, I did NOT, everyone hear that, I DID NOT kerplunk on the table! It was certainly a proud moment in my life. Just wanted to share all that with you. And it is unfortunate for those of you who didn't know that this was a thing, and that by reading this was how you had to find out, but it's about time you prepare yourself. I did you a service. You are welcome.

Back to my story. Well, I'll just jump right into that Tuesday, March 11. I woke up, and got myself ready for the day. I remember thinking that it was a special day so I wore one of the two maternity outfits I bought (both dresses-for my showers). It was a comfortable, and cute black wrap around dress, unfortunately, no, it was not a DVF, but I pretended anyways. I wore it with a pair of sandals and a big necklace (for me-not really a huge jewelry person). I'm not kidding, I was attempting to look the best I could on the last day of my life where people didn't watch me doodiley doo on a table. But seriously, don't forget, I didn't.
So I had really nothing to do that day, besides pick up my mom at the small airport, an hour away--in a slightly more populated town. Basically, if it's big enough to have a Mickey Dee's or two it's big enough for me. She flew in that afternoon around 2 o'clock. I picked her up and it was a crazy windy day, hence the idea that I'd look somewhat classy in a wrap dress was completely replaced by just flashing anyone and everyone...and really, I was too pregnant to care.
My mom was pretty excited about surviving the flight to Kansas from Dallas, because it's literally like a 6 seater plane and you land in corn field...and remember, it was windy. haha I envision this scenario and it's just amazing. Other than that, I guess you could say that she was pretty excited about becoming a grandma soon, too. :)
After leaving the airport, we did a little errand running and then headed back to Syracuse to grab my husband and all of our stuff for the hospital. It was so exciting, I was just so so excited to get to the hospital and have the babies.....if I had only known...it doesn't happen like that.
So we drive back to Garden City (where hospital is...and McDonalds) and even though I am still nervous that I am going to make a mess of the delivery table, I somehow still convince myself that it is OK for my last meal to be at a hole in the wall Mexican place. We eat, it was amazing, and then it starts setting in.... HOLY SHITTAKE mushrooms, I'm going to have two babies the next time I eat Mexican.

Basically, I just always talk, or write too much, so once again, I'll get to the birth story in the next post, otherwise, you'd be reading my 'only-exciting-to-me-story' for another 15 min. Thanks for reading.
Shontel

hemorrhoids, pre e, and gallons of pee...oops, I meant pregnancy, part 2

Hemorrhoids.  Yes, I delved into that deep dark secret that no one talks about. But really, enough said. just be prepared. really.

Now on to something less likely to have you dry heaving...

Well, as I said before, I had an awesome pregnancy. Nine months is a long time to prepare for a baby or two. I had four amazing showers. The first in Vegas with my mom's side of the family. It was totally a surprise shower and it was a blast. It was during the one week where my ribs were trying to expand and kept popping out of place, so it was a little painful, but all my fun family trumped the pain, and we played games, ate food, and shoved our faces into melted chocolate diapers all night! so fun. The next shower I had was in California. It was full of people who have been around me my whole life. It was so amazing to bask in baby clothes happiness with all these amazing women who I look up to as role models as mothers and wives. I also got to visit and see some of my oldest friends, so I can definitely say it was an A+ shower! (I don't have the pictures from these showers on my phone of computer, just prints, so hopefully, when I am older and therefore more computer advanced, I will figure out how to post them! haha)

Anyways, because I had so many big items to take back to Kansas with me, from the Vegas and California shower, (and because I was no longer allowed to fly-doctors orders) my amazing dad offered to drive me to Kansas... we even had to drive the long way, as to make an overnight stop in Salt Lake to attend my Utah shower, where some of the best friends in the world all came to make me feel awesome and pretend like I was still skinny...I knew they were lying. haha

 It was another amazing shower, and definitely added to the almost impossible heap of baby awesomeness filling every inch of space in the car we were driving! Finally, about a week and a half before babies were set to come, I had my Kansas shower! It was full of amazing women from my church and tons of great friends I have made in Syracuse. It was so much fun and we were all pretty giddy considering I was so close to hang these babies! At this shower, I was finally to the point where I wasn't about to put on shoes, so all those amazing women had to deal with my bare feet the whole shower. FUN FUN.

With the showers over, I really was just waiting and waiting for babies to arrive. My nursery was ready, I was ready, the only problem was....there was no way we were going to fit two carseats, two people, luggage, and our huge double stroller into our Volvo.

Darn it, I was going to need a bigger car. I was set on something fun and sporty looking. I loved the new Ford Explorer and was set on that till I gave in one day out of mere curiosity and looked at a mini-van. It was in those moments of weakness, that I fell in love. I decided to go with the Nissan Quest, because I love the sleek, more modern look of it. Its like a mini-van trying to look like something cooler...and in my opinion, it does, yet, it still has all the mom-appreciated awesomeness of the standard mini-van. I will admit,
I love it, and can't imagine driving anything else. For a mom with babies, or small kids, it really is a necessity!

Back to my pregnancy story...

At one of my appointments somewhere around the beginning of my third trimester, I had crazy blood pressure. That seemed to worry everyone in the doctors office, so of course, being OCD and a perfectionist, I was determined to force my blood pressure to drop down to the normal.....however, it didn't work. They proceeded to alert me that if my blood pressure didn't drop by the end of my appointment, that I would have to pee in a big orange jug for 24 hours..... this was not on my bucket list, so I desperately tried to avoid it, by telling my doctor that I was positive my blood was just reacting to the very horrible and icy drive we had to the appointment. (The office and hospital I was using were an hour away from my house.) It really was a horrible drive. The roads were so icy, and if you know me and the kind of driver and passenger I am, then you are probably feeling bad for Ty right about now, as he was the driver. (OK...to some of those who knew the old, 'drive like you're on a roller coaster Shontel' I am now the worst backseat/passenger driver and a HUGE scaredy cat, especially if there is any water, ice, or snow on the road. Like, I have a pad of paper, and I hand out tickets to Ty and my mom when I'm driving with them...like, I'm the person, that if you get pulled over, I am grinning, and will probably say something like, "I told you so," after you get a ticket.)
The doctors office wasn't sold that this was the reason for my high blood pressure, so I went on to tell them that it was probably just because I was so excited about the sausage mcmuffin, hash brown, and large coke, light ice I allotted myself for surviving the scary drive.....still, no mercy. I ended up going home with the orange jug of hell. They asked if I needed another one, but looking at the size of it, I was sure I wasn't going to need one.......
So when you're pregnant, you have to pee in a cup at every appointment...and at every appointment, I somehow managed to get worse and worse at it. I'm not going to give you any details, but I'm just going to say that that orange jug was sure to lead to a lot more cleaning needing to be going on in my bathroom. I will say, they are nice and give you this large pot to catch it in, that you put under the seat.....this was scary because it was so close to the top, I always felt as if it was going to ricochet right back at me! haha Karma literally got me back for all those time I saran-wrapped the toilet seats at sleepovers. So it's the night of my 24 hours and I have my sleep hours and a few awake hours in the morning left. That day, I had managed to only leave myself about a couple inches of the jug left for the goods.  In the middle of the night, I woke up in a panic, if I peed now, I would fill up the jug and then I wouldn't have room for my morning necessities. So instead of going, I literally stayed up all night trying to hold it.....but basically it just was piling up.....so, I search online, and find an article saying that if you don't have any more room in your jug, and you don't have another, you can use a jar that has never been used before and make you own jug. Living in a small town, nothing is open...so I wait..and I hold..... till 8am when the market opens. I wobble (still holding) over to the grocery store. (I'm literally dancing and doing the cross leg walk by the time I get to the checkout line. I buy a 24 pack of jars....yes, I only needed one, but guess what, they don't just sell one damn jar...they make you buy a whole canning system! I get home and I swear, it was euphoric! MY 24 HOURS were done! All that was left was dropping the jug and jar off at the local hospital for testing. I did this, and I held my head high as I carried a suspicious orange jug and a clear jar of pee around till I made my way to the lab. The technician informed me that the internet was wrong, and that the jar wouldn't work...all that for nothing.... luckily, what I had was good enough and I didn't need to redo it! yay!
While I was at the hospital, I was told to get my blood pressure checked again.... I did and apparently it was still really bad.... and the doctor who was there told me that I needed to get home, and not move because I should be on bed rest, or else I would die.... no, he didn't say that, but he was getting pretty crazy...so in all serious scenarios when I don't know what to do, I started joking around. He did NOT like this, and gave me a whole list of things I was not allowed to do.... NO RUNNING, NO WALKING, NO EATING SALT (worst day ever), NO DRINKING CAFFEINE.....

HOLD UP

no caffeine....do you know me? clearly, he didn't.  (I did stop drinking soda for the majority of my pregnancy, but after careful (very liberal) research, I realized I could have one soda a day....which of course, to me, meant one 44oz and refills didn't count.)   :)  I still thought I could charm this stern doctor with my awkwardness and cool jokes..... after he stated very meanly that I was NOT ALLOWED TO DRINK CAFFEINE, I decided this was the best time to pull the half drank..drunk..drinken..dranken?....liter of Mt Dew out of my bag, saying..."well can I hurry and finish this then before all the rules set in." ......He didn't like that...I actually think the guy shook his judgement finger at me... but I survived his death stare and bolted.
The results of my orange jug experience came back and I officially had preeclampsia. I had a very very mild case, but my induction date went from week 38 to 37, and other than that, nothing was different. PreE can be fatal and really serious, it doesn't effect the babies, but it basically is just showing that the mother's body is in stress being pregnant...and I really don't know or care to know much more than that. Any illness that cuts you off from salt and caffeine is not worth any of my webmd search time. :)

With the peeing in a jug and preE blip out of the way, everything else went really smoothly. I didn't get swollen feet till the very end of my pregnancy, my body didn't bloat too bad till the last week, and I was getting decent amount of sleep for being so ginormous. I did have a major case of nesting syndrome which was really fun, because I'm super OCD and cleaning makes me really happy. Not the cleaning itself, but the final product of having a clean home. the best feeling ever. My nursery was done early so basically by eight and a half months I was just wishing and trying to mind force my children to come out. I didn't really want them to come early for the sake of their health, size, and development, but being a first time pregnant soon to be mom, it is a battle of wishing they would arrive early so that you can hold them and see them, but then on the other side, you know the benefits of them staying put for as long as possible. My induction date was set for March 12, but i secretly tried to fake contractions so I could get myself excited like I was going to have babies soon. haha in this scenario, the saying "fake it till you make it" had no effect. My little boo boos were in there for the long haul.

I decided this post is going to be way too long if I go into the whole birthing story, so I will save the rest for the next post! stay tuned!
Thanks for reading. or just pretending to read. :)
Shontel

a kinda-sorta step-by-step guide on how to become a baby mama

It has been so so long since I've written a post, and man OH man has a ton happened/changed in my life! Let's see, I went to Europe for a month with my best friend and traveled around and had the most AMAZING time.

 Ty and I had our second and THIRD anniversary (wow, time flies), we got a dog...

......and you know, I got pregnant and had twins.  Well all that is great, but lets just talk about the big stuff. I got pregnant and had a baby....no wait, not just one. TWO. I grew two humans in the exact location of my dream abs. Luckily for me, being pregnant with twins, allotted a plethora of unhealthy foods, and it was all in the name of cravings. SERIOUSLY, the best part of being pregnant. (insert generic mushy Hallmark card voice in...now): and of course the greatest blessing of pregnancy is growing and loving the sweet souls that are about to enter into the world..... but really, blaming eating like a cow on pregnancy remains top on the list. Anyways, let's start from the beginning...

Once upon a time, there was an amazingly talented, OCPD television watcher who lived in a magical kingdom called Kansas.  Life was so busy for this princess with never ending opportunities to show her talents (thanks to Netflix) yet, something was missing. This beautiful, amazing, and super cool princess was married to a very handsome prince who was also a wizard (because he's a ginger, duh) and they decided to have a baby.

But really. It was summer of 2013, and school was out so the subbing came to a halt. Ty and I were happy, he had just graduated from the U, he was doing well at work, we had a home, a dog....and well, we all know what comes next. We weren't really actually trying to get pregnant, but after talking to a lot of my friends who had tried and tried for years before getting pregnant, I figured if we stopped preventing it, by the time it actually happened, we would be ready. Fast forward to the next morning.....I WAS PREGNANT. haha Well, let's be honest, of course I had NO idea I was pregnant then, but really kids, don't fool around, it happened within days of the beginning of our two year trying period. 
I actually found out I was pregnant when I was six weeks along. I had planned a trip to go to Henderson to visit my mom's side of the family. Ty was headed out of town with his dad and brother for a cattle meeting in Santa Barbara (ya, he was really upset) and their flight was the day before mine, so I had them drop me off at a hotel to stay at the night before, and from there the plan was to take a cab to the airport in the morning. Well, everything went according to plan, but the first time my little speck (specks) made itself known was while Que (my father-in-law) was driving us on a very small, curvy country road on the way to the airport. Now, I'm an extremely car sick person, upon sitting in the back seat, and this day was no exception. However, all of little speck's work to get me to realize he/she was in there, got credited to my father-in-law's 100+ mph driving (pretty sure all four tires left the ground at least 12 times).

 Well, I get dropped off at the hotel and as soon as I'm on solid ground, I feel better. I get to my room and order a large pizza, an order of buffalo wings, and a 2 liter of coke. Embarrassingly enough, this was not out of the ordinary, so still, no idea that pregnancy is an option. I eat my food, go swimming, blah blah..boring stuff...go to bed, wake up, get taxi.... and apparently the DO NOT SMOKE sticker in the taxi didn't scare the driver, because the car reeked! Yes, I'm throwing "reeked" around. hashtagtrendsetter. Due to the disgusting smell of smoke and being in the backseat, I was literally praying that I would not puke all over myself and the taxi for the four minute drive. Gratefully, I arrive at the airport, expecting to feel better as soon as my feet hit the floor...but no. I am nauseous all the way through the check in line, trying not to throw up all over the old, creepy man in front of me who literally was too into his flirting to realize that I was holding back puke....which may or may not have been caused by morning sickness at this point.
the first thought that I might be pregnant came while I was walking through the airport; and as soon as that thought hit my head I was on a mission to find a pregnancy test. I went to every store/kiosk in the airport seeing if they sold pregnancy tests... people found that amusing. however, I am sad to inform you that no, the colorado springs airport does not provide and/ or sell pregnancy tests. That being said, I was positive that the Vegas airport would. Why am I so sure....because it's Vegas. Well, let me tell you, I was wrong. The looks I got from the clerks at the Vegas airport were even more judgmental than those in CO....technically, it makes sense, considering the majority of the CO clerks were probably stoned.
Anyways, I arrive at my Aunt's and after trying to get alone and to a store by myself (harder than it seems when you don't have your own car and are with family), I finally succeed, take the test.....and POSITIVE.

I took both tests in the pack and yup, both were positive.  Since I was going to be out of town for the week, I really wanted to surprise Ty and wear a shirt that said something great and witty that I could pin to pinterest and make future mothers feel inferior to my techniques, but I failed and made it a whole three hours before I broke down and successfully made my husband pass out.
No, not really, he didn't pass out, but he might as well had. Pretty sure he asked if "I was serious" at least 28 times. Then the panic set in. Responsibilty clouded his mind and he went silent, while I went on and on about how excited I was.  After about 20 minutes of me prodding and prodding him on whether he was excited or not, he finally chilled out and got excited. Informing me that I needed to get on prenatal vitamins immediately.
Those next 8 weeks after finding out were the worst 2 months of my life.... I legitimately thought that dying would have been much less painful than being pregnant. I take that back now, by the way... and I will say, I know some women are sick the whole nine months and I am just thankful that that wasn't me! Sucks for you guys though. During those weeks of throwing my guts up I ended up missing my best friend's wedding (sorry Paige) and my brother in-law's wedding (sorry Doc and Mikyn). ON THE PLUS SIDE, I did lose a ton of weight because of being sick, and looked awesome in my PJS on the couch.
Skip to my first doctors appointment. I go in, pee in the cup (I got very good at this), sit in the waiting room like a giddy schoolgirl. Finally, they call us back (Ty went with me). I go in and get my exam (insert: sad face) and the doctor brings in this little machine to check the baby's heartbeat. All sounded great. He sends me to another room to get my sonogram. I was so nervous to see that all was well, I was literally shaking. We had the greatest technician (side note: I was still very sick during my appointment, I had to leave the doctors and rooms many times to go throw up in the bathroom).  I was so sick during the sonogram that I was almost in tears trying not to throw up. Ty is holding my hand, and as soon as the little monitor comes into focus (for the technician, we had no idea what we were looking at) she says, "No wonder you're so sick, there it is. Two times as sick for two." Ty and I had no idea what this meant. We stared at her blankly, as if she had just spoken to us in Japanese. "TWINS! Two babies," she repeats. Ty's hand immediately flies out my hand and is fist pumping the air, jumping up and clapping like he'd just seen his children win a swimming match....oh wait. ;)

With that said, I would like to CLARIFY for the whole world. TWINS has nothing to do with the father. It is all the woman. the gene cannot be carried through the male's side. It comes from the mother and her side alone. Fraternal: the WOMAN has to release two eggs, this may or may not be genetic. Identical: the WOMAN's single egg splits and becomes two separate eggs (this is all chance, no gene's involved). Here's one last clarification for the world, it is IMPOSSIBLE to have boy/girl twins be identical. Unless they are both hermaphrodites, which I think has yet to happen.... but seriously, think about it. In order for a boy to be IDENTICAL to a female, he would need a V. Vice versa, she would need a P..... therefore, the he would no longer be a he, but a she, and the she would no longer be a she, but a he.....long story short. It's just not even a thing for boy/girl twins to be identical.

Back to the story, Ty is going crazy because he is soooo excited now. All stress of having a single child has magically vanished with the knowledge of having two (if anyone can explain this to me, please, I'll pay you). ........and then there's me.....trying not to throw up on the table with warm goop all over my very skinny (and short lived) stomach. My positive, "I can do this," attitude halted. TWINS?! This wasn't even on my radar! I know nothing about twins. Nonetheless about little babies. I freaked out. I bawled. My stress levels went crazy and it took a few minutes to regain my composure before the important questions set in. (The technician is now scared to hell because of our opposite reactions, FYI) "Are they healthy? Measurements?" LADEE LADEE LOO. Everything came back looking great. Both babies were in great health. All was well. We were on track to have a healthy and full terms twin pregnancy. And Yes, the excitement set in as we made tons of phone calls to very happy, excited, and unbelieving relatives! Twins it was and we were SO happy! We were all set to have the best pregnancy ever!
AND we did. We found out the genders, 100% at Thanksgiving break with my whole family around us in the 3D sonogram room. It was so great! A boy and a girl.

The girl even put on a show and kicked the boy in his "secret spot" for the w
hole family to see. That's my girl. To this day, Fey is my feisty, independent, little firecracker, and Fitz is my sweet, outgoing mama's boy.
I think this is a long enough post for today. In the near future I will finish off my pregnancy story and get into the birth! I bet you can't wait for all the GORY details. :) I love you all. and through all the sarcasm and jokes, I can assure you that being pregnant is sooooo worth it, especially if you lose weight...joking, again, I can't stop myself guys. But being pregnant is no comparison to being a mom. Shit, I'm going to cry. Goodnight friends!
Thanks for reading. xoxo
Shontel