How I got high off of disinfectant wipes

Most of you saw that picture, right?
The one where Fey had a huge blow out up her back and all over her clothes....
Oh ya, and if you looked really closely, you saw the smeared poop all over my face. Ya, that was a great day. Not.

Anyways, I don't know how many of you know about the BUMBO seats for babies. They are pretty awesome, BUT they are poop encouragers.

I know that seems ridiculous, but if you think about it.....
We sit down to go to the bathroom....I mean, I can't even imagine trying to number two laying down....it just feels wrong to even think about.

Well, babies do it all day long, so imagine how excited they are to get to doodoo in the most natural and comfortable shittin' position, which just happens to be in the BUMBO.

Not only does the BUMBO encourage poop, but it's also acts as a catalyst for the poop geyser. Yes, you know, Old Faithful up there in Yellowstone? Ya, well, any home that has a child and a BUMBO....well, we have our own sort of geyser.

Well, having twins is rewarding, but a lot of times it is a little tricky. This particular day was no exception.

It was about 3:30PM and the babies were both sitting in their BUMBOS playing with their toys. They both started getting fussy, and I knew that I had smelt a stinky diaper, so I assume that it's Fitz (sorry bud). I leave my current Netflix marathon session and take him into their room to change him as fast as I can to not miss a moment of my show. Soon, I realize that the stink wasn't from a dirty diaper, so rather than thinking that it must be Fey, I pass the stinky smell off as gas....

I go back into the living room, where Fey is screaming her head off. I am, however, in slow motion because I'm trying to watch my show. (Bad mom moment, I know.)  I pick her up out of the BUMBO, half paying attention because I'm enthralled in my show, and eager to stop her crying. I start talking to her and I kinda do a little toss into the air once I've freed her chubby legs to stop her sadness. As she's coming down from her toss, I go to kiss her and tickle her...yup, still watching my show....

As my lips and face make contact with her back/booty, I am immediately overtaken with the rancid smell of poop. I pull her away from me as fast as I can and yup, there is poop everywhere. I can feel the mushy poop all over my lips and and chin. I wipe the poop off my lips before thinking that this will be a great scrapbook page in her memory book one day. I grab my phone and snap some selfies. I finish cleaning the poop off my face before heading in to change her diaper and clean up the mess.

I clean her off, throw everything into my soaking bucket (bucket full of water with laundry detergent and Oxiclean- as to avoid stains), and lay her down. At this point I realize that the BUMBO probably has some poop smeared on it that need my OCD's attention. I head over to take a look.....

I wish it had been just smears. It was a whole poop extravaganza going on at the bottom of my BUMBO. OK, the BUMBO is made out of this really great hard foam-like material that is really easy to wipe down.....BUT the new BUMBOS have straps that aren't removable.... and...these straps are made out of fabric. Mine are covered in what looks like chunky peanut butter. I head to the kitchen and pull out an assortment of carpet cleaners, clorox wipes, wet rags, sanitizers, and disinfectants.

I spent almost two hours trying to get the brown, rancid-smelling, peanut butter poop out of those straps. I am pretty happy with the outcome, but I still won't be letting either of my children get those straps anywhere near their mouth...

Dear BUMBO, please make removable straps that are machine washable....or just make them out of something that is wipe-up-able, considering your wonder seats are also poop geyser encouragers. Thanks.
Shontel