the mystery poop pebble

This story is so much worse than what you would imagine from the title. It's quite horrific actually. If you're still in the naive, blissful state of thinking that parenting is just all baby giggles and squishy cheeks, then you should bow out of here now. 

It should be clear by now that I'm a very particular person. Things usually have to be done a certain way or I lose my mind a little...ok, a lot. Well, the point that I'm trying to get at, is that I'm OCD about cleanliness. Whether it's myself, my children, or my house... I like things spic and span. Not only am I crazy clean, but my parent's are super clean as well. There is a designated place for everything in the house, nothing is left without a home.

Disclaimer: this includes poop. It goes into a diaper (which then has to be disposed of in a special trash can) or into a toilet. That is where it lives. There are no other options. Even the toilet seats at my parents' stay clean bc my family is OCD and heaven forbid a lid get's left open...toilets get cleaned immediately, if need be...

you all know what i'm talking about. 

ANYWAYS. I'm in the bathroom, getting ready for the day. The babies are crawling around all over, and climbing up onto everything in the bathroom (it's clean and the toilet lid is shut, fyi). I had just emptied the super full trashcan in the bathroom to make sure Fitz or Fey didn't get into anything gross. So when I'm doing my makeup I use about 500 q-tips and so I had thrown away about four by this point. Well, Fitz starts messing with the trash can, which now has only these used q-tips in it and he decides that they look delish and wants to eat one....kids. They're gross. 

I stop him before he gets it into his mouth and move the trash can on top of the counter so he can't mess with it again, because by now, he's transfixed on dirty q-tips. I try to get back to getting ready but I notice his little jaw chewing on something. I, of course, reach down to check and see what the heck he found to chew on, since I know he didn't get a q-tip, and there was nothing even remotely small enough to fit into his mouth anywhere near. I find nothing. Suddenly, I hear Fey squeaking and race crawling into my parent's room. I run and go get her and shut my parent's door behind me as to avoid another entrance attempt. I get back into the bathroom and see Fitz messing with something in his mouth again....

This time, I'm sure that there's actually something other than his tongue in there. I'm set on finding whatever it is his little mouth is chewing on. I pull him up onto my lap and force his little mouth open, all while he is fussing and trying to bite my fingers. I'm such a martyr. I can't find anything. BUT I know he was messing with something. I start tracing my finger along his gums....and that's when I find it. It's hiding between his bottom two teeth and his lip... It's a little brown pebble. As I finally get it to stick to my finger over his little lip, I am able to get it out and take a gander. I am sure... it's a little rock...

Where did a rock come from? How did it get into the bathroom? I write it off as a pebble from the bottom of someones shoe and I am happy with that....but then I notice some brown rubbing off onto my finger...

Here I am holding this little pebble (about the size of the end of a No 2 Pencil). I decide I should probably inspect it...I start pinching it...and that's when I realize it's not a solid rock at all.... it's kind of squishy.... I decide to be sure, I should squeeze it some more... Now there is brown stuff smashed onto my finger. 

HUH. It must be a little pebble of mud. Where did a little ball of mud come from? Huh, I have no idea. I know... maybe if I smell the mud, I will know where it came from. (this is my brain people, i need help, clearly). Luckily, I was standing right above the sink when I smelt the mud because it turned out to not be mud, but a little pebble of poop, which was now squashed onto my fingers.

Now, to make this even more gross, I have no idea where it came from or who it came from. I checked in, on, and around the toilet. spotless. I checked the trashcan. spotless. (except for my 5 q-tips). Like, where does your child just find poop. Like when is poop ever on the ground? Not even the ground...when is a little pebble of poop, just anywhere in the house. Now, I can see how a booger can end up on the wall, or in the space between your wall and the bed...or in between the car door and your seat, for that matter... but POOP? no one just swipes their finger through their doodee and flicks it onto the wall or wherever else for that matter.... I. JUST. DON'T. UNDERSTAND.

Well, obviously, I washed my hands 50 times, brushed Fitz's teeth 12 times, then caution taped the bathroom off, sure I was going to solve the mystery poop pebble case. HOWEVER, after two days, I'm sad to inform you that the case is still unresolved. The house is clean. We have no pets in the house. Both of my children were dressed in diapers, onesies, shirts, pants, socks, and shoes the day of...so, after much detective work, I've come to the conclusion that it was a miracle poop pebble.

I know you are all thinking I'm a hero right about now from saving my child from the unimaginable, but after countless google searches on the subject, apparently eating poop is just another norm for babes. Who knew? Welcome to reality of parenting. It's a real 'shitshow.' (ha) Sorry for my 'dirty mouth.' (ha)

 I just can't help myself when puns are involved.

sorry no pics. the poop was smashed onto the two fingers I needed to take a photo. BUMMER. 

actually, I need at least one pic, for your viewing pleasure, of course. I chose this one specifically because in this photo, Fitz looks like a kid who would eat poop. yep.

 

that's all.

Shontel

chickens, rolling, doll fights, and all other inappropriateness

So I've been a blogging failure the last few months. The crappy BUMBO post really did me in...ahh, I'm just messing...it probably had more to do with my introduction to Homeland which graduated into an obsession with House of Cards...that's the reality of what my free time looks like. and to be honest, there's like 50 others shows I marathon-ed too, that I can't even remember  :) Not to mention whenever I'm into a show/storyline, I'm positive it's a sign that my life's calling is to emulate my favorite character...hence why I googled what the current war was about and how I could become a CIA agent...It's not so easy guys...just throwing that out there before you're disappointed, as I was. One last tip, it's also too late to become a conniving congressmen whip guy... unless you're already a congressman. Both of these searches were much less aggressive than the google search results of how to become a high school chemistry teacher and make blue meth... (insert shrugged shoulders face) I should probably just stick to Parenthood marathons. I totally have OCD bitchy housewife down to T.

Here. If you really want me to paint a clear picture of why my blogging is nonexistent...here it is... this is literally right now. (no paint involved)

Anyways, I am too lazy to go back and look at the date of when I last posted, but I know it was before any holidays, so I'll start by filling you in there...

Halloween: We spent our first Halloween, as a family of four, in California. The babies were chickens...like the cutest chickens you ever did see, really. I had someone on Etsy make the costumes. They were so perfect. We first went and took some pictures at a pumpkin patch in their costumes, then made some house calls to visit with close family and friends. After that, we made our way up to Thoroughbred (Alta Loma's famous Christmas street) which just so happens to be a favorite trick-or-treating location, and went to visit some friends who live there. It was so much fun strolling around with the babies in the wagon in their chicken costumes. We had SO many admirers...the babies were pretty much celebrities for the night. OH, I forgot to mention that to tie ourselves in with the twins, Ty and I dressed up in cow onesies. We were definitely a sight to see. HA. I'm just happy they were big and fluffy. I didn't even have to worry about sucking in or all that jazz. I'm pretty much sold on wearing onesie costumes for the rest of my life. :)  Anyways, after we left Thoroughbred, we went down to Chick-Fil-A in our costumes and got a ton of free food. Best way to end Halloween. As much fun as the night was, the babies got over it pretty quick...and me even quicker. As fun as these wild outings are with the kids, it's seriously the biggest hassle. Getting them in and out. and in and out. and in and out. of their carseats with all their feathers. UUGGH. so annoying. and such a pain. Anyways, I survived and we still got the kids home in time to give them my OCD sanitizer wash down. Hallelujah.

Thanksgiving: Thanksgiving we spent with my mom's side of the family in Henderson, NV. It's tradition for my mom's whole side of the family to get together for Thanksgiving, where we celebrate Christmas, all together, after all the dishes are done and food cleaned up. P.S. The babies had their first taste of all the goods this year and lets just say they are BIG Thanksgiving fans. Here are some pics from our pre-Thanksgiving meal activities.

This year, Thanksgiving was especially fun because my mom's 50th birthday fell on the same weekend and we were able to be there for all the birthday festivities. The theme of her birthday was "Rolling into your 50s." Now, I know most of you are imagining my whole family at a rave, but no, by rolling, we meant roller skating and going on the High Roller on the strip. It was a super fun trip and it was great getting to spend time with my mom and the people who love her most on such a special birthday! aw. so mushy.

On our drive back to Kansas, we stopped in Salt Lake City to stay with Ty's Sister Tara, who took our Christmas pics. Here are a few of my favs. :) P.S. She is the BEST, if you ever need pics, of anything, she's your girl. taradawnphotography.com

Christmas: The twins spent their first Christmas here in California (I say here, because I'm still here! HA). Lucky them. Unfortunately, I'm a bad weather lover and spending my Christmas in 80 degree weather, rather than have it be snowing, was somewhat of a let down. BUT getting to hang out with my family (and my grandparents came down) and watch the babies get so much love was perfect...even on a stupid sunny day. blah.

Speaking of these little munchkins and love, let's just say, my littles did not go without this Christmas. They were so spoiled, it's almost embarrassing, but not, at the same time... because I'm a new mom, my mom is a new grandma, and my grandma is a new great-grandma. We definitely over-did the toy-buying, and hopefully, next week, when we go to load it all up in the minivan, we will be able to fit it all and get it back to Kansas safely. They are still pretty young to grasp the whole opening presents thing, but eating wrapping paper definitely became a new favorite activity for them! ah. it was so horrible. It was especially disheartening because I am just a really big kid... I love going to Toys R Us just to look at all the toys I want to buy the babies in the future. I secretly cannot wait till they are of Legos age so I can finally play with them (the legos-not my children) again. I have already checked all the age requirements for Lincoln Logs, Polly Pockets..etc. I legitimately get giddy over toys...it's embarrassing really. All of the toys my 10 months old received for Christmas were more about me wanting the toy than my kids... they obviously, could care less. I could give them a ball of lint and they would be thrilled, to say the least. Anyways, after so much build up, I pretty much expected them to rejoice in my toy buying skills and proclaim that I was the "BEST MOM EVER," but they didn't...they just enjoyed climbing all over the boxes. Apparently it is more fun to sit on top of the box, than to play with the toy inside...except for Fey's baby doll...that's the only thing Fitz wanted, and because Fitz wanted it, Fey wanted it. Pretty much ended up in a fist fight. LIFE. :)

P.S. My parent's house has the worst light for photos so I'm sorry for all the dark, shadowy pics. It drives me nuts and I was too lazy to go through and lighten them all up. Also, disregard the large blanket we have on the floor. I promise, we do not try to pass it off as a rug (haha)...it's to soften the fall of the many face plants that tend to happen with babies trying to walk. :)

I almost forgot, this was before Christmas, but who cares. Chronological order is stupid anyways. We were invited to an ugly christmas sweater party and thanks to Pinterest, I went all in. I spent hours at Walmart gathering supplies, and then a few hours with my friend, Marlene (Martha Stewart of Kansas), making four of the most inappropriate sweaters I could justify. It was so much fun and I was so excited when they came out so perfect. I could hardly wait to wear them and show them off. Of course, those of you who follow me on Instagram have seen the pics, but for those of you who missed them, let me amaze you.

We did tie for first place with some of our very creative friends who took the ugly in ugly sweater seriously. Check them out!

Oh ya, another, out of order, thing I forgot, was the babies first time meeting Santa. We went to the mall to get our pictures taken with the big man, and we were so excited because the line looked so small. When we go to get in line, we were adamantly told that that was NOT the line, and that we had to get in the back of the "real" line which wrapped around the mall. Ty, who could care less about seeing Santa (such a Scrooge, I know) is ready to give up. I really wanted a pic of the babies with Santa, so I'm planning on waiting the four hours, but really, it's not going to work, because if we wait we will be really late to the Christmas party planned for that night. I tried bribing a few people with money, but apparently people are psychotic about their place in line to see Santa. We decided waiting wasn't really an apt ion and call some of our friends who have a Santa costume and borrow it. I mean, at this point we are a little sad that it won't be the Real Santa (do kids even read my blog?) in our pics, but we have to settle for Santa's helper because we were in a hurry.
Anyways, I called my dad, who agreed to wear the costume, called my sister's friend who is a photographer, packed the kids back into the car, and drove home to meet "Santa." Lets just say the babies weren't fooled, and were just wondering what the hell Grandpa was wearing. Once again, I was expecting hilarious reactions...considering the gardeners scare Fitz to death, I just assumed...but I was wrong. blah.

Ok I'm done. Tune in for more in another five months! ha. just kidding, I'll be a better blogger, I promise. At least till season three of House of Cards is released on Feb 27th. Gotta hurry. ;)

Shontel